Monday, December 18, 2017

Depression Diary - Small Worlds

As depression takes hold, your world shrinks. You remove people, places and thoughts from your surroundings. As a result, what's left takes on greater significance and anything that damages or impinges on that world makes a larger impact.

It's something that few depressives understand, and I've only recently become aware of.

As my healing continues, and it's one that has taken a lifetime so far and will probably never finish, I've noticed that things that used to bother me are no longer as important.

Losing something small that can be replaced; an insult; seeing something I've tidied made a mess of. While they still irritate me, they no longer send me spiralling down into a pit or cause me as much anxiety.

Yesterday I got a puncture in my rear bicyle wheel on the way to work. I carried on. There were no taxis available to book to get myself and my bike home in the evening so I had to cycle home with a flat tyre, then discovered I'd left my mobile at work.

I'm irritated, but not bothered. It's a pain, a nuisance, but it's not the end of the world.

Other things can still set me off as I haven't dealt with the triggers, but even then I can let the misery have it's day and move on.

The medication is helping me avoid the worst excesses of depression, smoothing out the rough spots, but I'm recovering.

As 2017 ebbs away, that's a good thought.

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