Monday, October 09, 2017

Depression Diary

One of the hardest parts of living with depression is when something pleasant happens.

Sound odd? It should.

You get used to the feeling, uncomfortable though it is, then when something pleasant happens it makes waves. On a calm pond, those waves are disturbing.

As much as you want it to end, as much as you want the pleasant things of life, they are frightening. Why? If it goes wrong, you've opened yourself up again, only to be hurt. Fear drives you lower and tells you not to risk it.

I'm trying to embrace something pleasant, a change of circumstances, but I'm hesistant, fearful, scared of the possible hurt and the likelihood of wrecking something.

It's times like these you need some close to both parties to ease things along.

My lows are lower, but the future looks a little brighter. I won't ignore the fear, to do so would allow it work in the background and undermine everything. But I'm not going to leap. I shall walk slowly towards it and evaluate it at every step.

Here's hoping for the best.

1 comment:

Jay Noel said...

Hey, you'll be OK. No matter what. Embrace the good. You must know that YOU DESERVE IT!