Monday I gave you four ways to get noticed, and here are five more.
1.Contact the local and national media, telling them that at your next book launch you'll be wearing skimpy clothing...or (even better) be naked. Size won't matter as if you're 'big' they'll make fun of you, if you've got a good figure they'll rave about how you should eat more and become a real person. After they print the pictures of you alongside an editorial that talks about fading morality, they'll hack phones, continue an affair and work out how they can use you to get more advertising income.
2. Become a celebrity. It doesn't matter how you become famous or what for, as long as you become famous. Once that's done, publishers will line up to publish any old crap you write, usually without even editing it for spelling mistakes, knowing that there are plenty of people who'll buy anything because it's written by a celebrity. If you become really famous you won't even have to write it yourself, but can get some other sucker to do it for you.
3. Become a ghostwriter for a celebrity. If you can't get publishers or agents interested, approach some B or C list celebrity who wants to promote themselves as an intellectual and offer yourself as a ghostwriter for them.The downside is that no one will know it's you, outside of the publishing industry, the upside is you can write, sell more books, make more money and not have to do the promotional tours. You might even consider approaching a desperate politician.
4. Go round publishers and agents. This will take time, luck and a lot of patience. Select the agents and publishers to approach by researching them and only sending your MS to those that are interested in the genre you write in. Address each letter to a named agent/editor (checking by phone that they still work there) while being polite and to the point. Chances are it will get put in a slush pile, but at least it shows you took the effort to find out something about the agency/publisher. Be prepared for a long wait and a lot of hassle.
5. Self publish. Not for the fainthearted as you'll have to be your own editor, cover designer and promoter, as well as author. On the plus side you will get to appreciate what agents and publishers do, on the negative side you can spend a lot of money and get little in return. Another plus side is that when you do finally get a publisher you'll be in a better position to understand the whole business.
So there you have it, five more great ideas to help get you published. I'll see you on Friday with the first Friday Fun of September. Adieu.