Friday, September 17, 2010

Dreams and Things

I don't know about you, but I get some weird dreams sometimes...and remember them.

The other night I dreamt that I was shopping for shoes (I don't know why either).  In fact, I was shopping and saw a sale on in a shoe shop.  As that's how I normally get my shoes (I'm a size 7 and there's always loads left at the end of a season) that part of the dream is normal.

I selected two pairs that I was really pleased with.  At least I was pleased in the dream, if I'd seen them in real life I would have given the shoe shop and VERY wide berth.

The assistant went to get the left shoe and discovered that they didn't have it for either pair, so I had to go without.

Now why would I dream that?  Easy.

I shall be moving into a new flat (apartment) in the next couple of weeks and for me it's an ideal place.  Two large bedrooms, a storage room that's bigger than most modern bedrooms and a decent view.  It's also in Stevenage Old Town and near the hospital (I'm a little accident prone).

My big fear, is that someone will take this away from me, especially as I've been sleeping on sofa's for the last 18 months.  I also have this voice in the back of my head that I'm not worth it.

There are similar fears with my writing that, no doubt, all writers face.  Am I good enough?  Is my writing good enough?  Will the agent like me?  Will that big shiny contract be taken away at the last moment when the market suddenly shifts?  Will my agent go bust before I've even signed a contract?

What I tell myself is that I am worth these things and, even if I'm not a good enough writer yet, I will improve with time. All of which is hard after a lifetime of being abused and thinking that I am not worth it.

My dreams highlight fears and sometimes give me answers.

They can also provide some cracking story ideas.