Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Down, But Not Out

"Depression isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you've been too strong for too long."

When you carry a mental load on your own for a long time, it will wear you down as much as carrying a physical load will. The difference is that no one can see your load and tend to dismiss it.

I've heard it said, that when you share a burden it's eased. That's not always true as some burdens cannot be shared, not matter how much people listen and understand. That doesn't mean you don't need support, just that no one can ease the pressure.

At the moment I have a play to get ready for, a council to fight, a business to run and various other mental and emotional pressures to deal with. Of those, only the play is positive. The hardest to deal with are the unmoveable bureaucracies that I depend on.

I'm looking forward to the play. Performing gives me a lift, especially when what I do makes people laugh with me. I'm also looking for a break from the other pressures so I can rebuild my life: I'm just not sure when it will come.

1 comment:

Boudica said...

Hey, I've been where you are and I know how it feels. I found that talking about it did help, but only when I talked to a professional and only at the point when I was committed to making my experience of life different. Which doesn't mean I don't get depressed any more! When I do, I go talk to someone.

Writing helps me too. Writing down what I'm thinking and feeling at the moments when it's at its worst really relieves the pressure, relieves the burden (when it's one I want to be relieved of), and reveals underlying 'stuff' that I wasn't even aware of. Next best thing to therapy for me!

Take care. Hope the play goes well.